Beth Schafer
One of the reasons I find the Book of Genesis so compelling is its persistent focus on families in all their glory—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Every generation in Genesis faces real struggle: from the most murderous extreme of Cain and Abel, to the lifelong rivalry of Jacob and Esau, to the jealousy-fueled, plot-twisting saga of Joseph and his brothers. If we learn anything from our earliest spiritual ancestors, it is that human beings are complicated, and so are our relationships. We all have family members who are easy, and those who are… well, decidedly less easy.
As Thanksgiving approaches, many of us brace for a dinner table filled with a parade of personalities who might not spend time together were it not for the simple fact of being related. If the chemistry of the holiday gathering brings more anxiety than anticipation, how can we not only survive the holiday—but actually enjoy it?
Family Therapist Murray Bowen suggests these steps:
- Set a quiet intention before you arrive.
Choose a grounding word or phrase—ease, curiosity, patience—and return to it when things feel tense. - Expect patterns to show up.
Families repeat their scripts. Notice them without getting pulled back into old roles. - Choose connection over correction.
Not every comment requires a response; not every provocation deserves a debate. - Find the person who feels like “home.”
Sit next to the one who calms you, makes you laugh, or helps you feel grounded. - Give yourself permission to step away.
A short walk, a breath of fresh air, or a quiet moment in the kitchen can reset your system. - Create conversational “off-ramps.”
Gently shift topics when discussions get heated: “Let’s put a pin in that—tell me how your garden is doing.” - Use curiosity as a shield.
Ask open questions instead of offering rebuttals. It lowers tension and keeps you centered. - Stay connected to your body.
Relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw, plant your feet, breathe deeply. - Lower your expectations—and raise your compassion.
Everyone at the table is carrying something you may not see. - Find one moment of gratitude.
The holiday doesn’t need to be perfect. Look for a single moment worth naming and savoring.
Genesis reminds us that families have always been human, flawed, and yet fiercely connected. The beauty of the Thanksgiving table is not its perfection, but its possibility.
May this Shabbat before Thanksgiving be a grounding one. In the pause of the week, may we set intentions that will bring us into a space of gratitude, patience and love.
From my family to yours,
Shabbat Shalom and Happy Thanksgiving,
Beth
